I love Sunday because everyone do not need to work and there can gather together. Today i have 2 replacement classes, so do not enjoy the day at first. I dragged myself to wake up in the morning for morning class. However, i was able to talk to him for a while before i left my house. It was so great to say good morning to him.
After the class i went back home to help my sister to move house. Around 3.30pm then i have to go for another class. It feel very tired because of the weather is very hot and i don't like there is a gap in between two classes for too long. It makes me very exhausted.
Night time having dinner with my family. He wasn't here so no one help me to wash dishes together. Sad.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
5th day without him- Saturday
Normally my weekend is very relaxing, after morning class i am free to do anything. Sometimes we will go shopping, sometimes we will rest at home until dinner time then we will have dinner with family.
This Saturday i was really busy with replacement classes, not only one place but places scattered around klang valley. I was too tired when i have finished four classes and spended nearly 3 hours driving. And guess what, town was crazy jam.
While busy schedule keep me alert all the time, i do not have much time to think something negative or being alone. What was in my mine was counting the class i have finished and go home rest. That's why i have rejected to join my friend's hen's night party because i was too tired.
Night time i chat with him for more than 1 hour. I told him what have happened for the whole day and it seem that thing does not really change much because i used to do that. The feeling was so close to him when i was talking to him. I hope he will feel the same way.
This Saturday i was really busy with replacement classes, not only one place but places scattered around klang valley. I was too tired when i have finished four classes and spended nearly 3 hours driving. And guess what, town was crazy jam.
While busy schedule keep me alert all the time, i do not have much time to think something negative or being alone. What was in my mine was counting the class i have finished and go home rest. That's why i have rejected to join my friend's hen's night party because i was too tired.
Night time i chat with him for more than 1 hour. I told him what have happened for the whole day and it seem that thing does not really change much because i used to do that. The feeling was so close to him when i was talking to him. I hope he will feel the same way.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
4th day without him- Friday
I am busy in the morning for these two weeks, and almost everyday i have morning class until middle of December. At least i got something to do in the morning, to keep me fresh and steady. Steady? ya, emotionally, at least i am working as everyone does.
While driving toward uptown for class, i decided to call him, to give him a big muaks before he starts work. We chatted for a while before i arrived.
After the class i tapau my lunch, mixed rice which i think he gonna miss mixed rice in KL. I went back to MSQ, online, had lunch facing my computer. This is the way i always do if i am having meal alone. I searched some news about the situation in Bangkok while listening to my Ipod. The song Without you by Air suppply just make me crying. hmmmm...i am kind of emotion person i guess. How i wish i can go there with him.
If God allow, i don't want to separate with him anymore. It's very torturing.
While driving toward uptown for class, i decided to call him, to give him a big muaks before he starts work. We chatted for a while before i arrived.
After the class i tapau my lunch, mixed rice which i think he gonna miss mixed rice in KL. I went back to MSQ, online, had lunch facing my computer. This is the way i always do if i am having meal alone. I searched some news about the situation in Bangkok while listening to my Ipod. The song Without you by Air suppply just make me crying. hmmmm...i am kind of emotion person i guess. How i wish i can go there with him.
If God allow, i don't want to separate with him anymore. It's very torturing.
3rd day without him - Thursday
Wake up early in the morning, around 7.30am, just because couldn"t sleep well after he left. Then i online to check whether he will be there. About 9am, he called me then we have some chat.
As usual after morning class, i went back home. Normally i will have lunch with him.Again, not today. Instead i tapau for my own and also for his mum. His mum was having eye operation yesterday, so i was thinking to visit her and also take my pants that i left in his room.
After i arrived, Guinness welcome me. Then i played around with him for a while. His mum asked me many questions, about his life, his job, more important his financial status. I can see her very sam tong about her son, in fact she cried. I tried to assure her he will be fine.I cannot tahan my tear also. Sigh. She is not suppose to cry as this is not good for her eyes. She needs to rest her eye.
She asked me whether i know about his financial stuff. I said i know a bit but not in details. She told me a figure that he owe after she check on the statements. She also worried about the legal action taken by Diamond Screen. I don't know what reaction should i give. The more she asked, the more she feel upset. She asked me to help him if i can.
After the conversation, i think i need a break. I need to recall what have we done until the situation become so bad. Before that i have never thought of the amount is so big. I have never thought of the nightmare is just started. I really hate him, why don't he talks to me honestly, why he still bought me the Tous, Celine, Gem Island package, why don't he reject Concorde hotel. WHY? I really don't need that stuff.
I hate myself that i cannot help him, i hate myself as a big spender also, i hate myself did not give him pressure. I hate i cant help.
We still have long way to go, if we don't face it now, it gonna be a big disaster in future.
I text his brother after that, i hope his brother can go home early to take care of his mother as she really needs support.
I don't feel good at all when i am writing this because we are such a failure. He is now with tonnes of burden working in a different country alone, i can feel how much pressure he has. I sincerely wish him, bless him to overcome this situation. And i wanted to let him know, he is not alone, he will got my support...more and more when he needed.
Raining again, just like my mood. I need to drive to work alone later.
As usual after morning class, i went back home. Normally i will have lunch with him.Again, not today. Instead i tapau for my own and also for his mum. His mum was having eye operation yesterday, so i was thinking to visit her and also take my pants that i left in his room.
After i arrived, Guinness welcome me. Then i played around with him for a while. His mum asked me many questions, about his life, his job, more important his financial status. I can see her very sam tong about her son, in fact she cried. I tried to assure her he will be fine.I cannot tahan my tear also. Sigh. She is not suppose to cry as this is not good for her eyes. She needs to rest her eye.
She asked me whether i know about his financial stuff. I said i know a bit but not in details. She told me a figure that he owe after she check on the statements. She also worried about the legal action taken by Diamond Screen. I don't know what reaction should i give. The more she asked, the more she feel upset. She asked me to help him if i can.
After the conversation, i think i need a break. I need to recall what have we done until the situation become so bad. Before that i have never thought of the amount is so big. I have never thought of the nightmare is just started. I really hate him, why don't he talks to me honestly, why he still bought me the Tous, Celine, Gem Island package, why don't he reject Concorde hotel. WHY? I really don't need that stuff.
I hate myself that i cannot help him, i hate myself as a big spender also, i hate myself did not give him pressure. I hate i cant help.
We still have long way to go, if we don't face it now, it gonna be a big disaster in future.
I text his brother after that, i hope his brother can go home early to take care of his mother as she really needs support.
I don't feel good at all when i am writing this because we are such a failure. He is now with tonnes of burden working in a different country alone, i can feel how much pressure he has. I sincerely wish him, bless him to overcome this situation. And i wanted to let him know, he is not alone, he will got my support...more and more when he needed.
Raining again, just like my mood. I need to drive to work alone later.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Second day - First Wednesday
We used to spend time together on Wednesday morning, either cooking breakfast or having it at downstair's mamak. Today, i am totally on my own.
Waking up early to check whether he is online. Waited for an hour, but he did not turn up there. I went out early for morning class at Manulife. It was a tough class for me because i did not perform good last time . However, i prayed, i asked God to give me the confidence. I must say i have done better than last time.
After class, went to Mid Valley meet mook, jean and fanny. I arrived early, walk around there alone until mook called me then we sit down at Seed Cafe chit chatting.
After the gossip session, i went to New York for my eye treatment. I took nap during the session and i guess this is the good time for me to rest and relax. Right after the session, i left the place. Honestly, not quite enjoy and satisfied with the service. They did not give me what they promised me when i signed the course. However, i did not complain nor say much about it because i have no mood doing that.
I left mid valley at the time of 4.15pm. It was still early to my class, i just drove slowly. Reach at Les there at 5pm only. Raining heavily, so i sit in the car read the magazine from mook. Guess what , is a bridal mag :)
After class, went home dinner. I think Ryan's friends miss him a lot tonight because he used to play badmintion on Wednesday nite. Two of his friends called, asked about whether he is safe.
The first thing when i reach home was turn on my computer, to check whether he is online. I think this will be the fisrt thing i do everyday once i get back home, unless my brother is using the computer.
I have been waiting for 3 hours. He is still outside. I don't have a chance to talk to him. Very sad :( and i cried before sleep.
Miss him....
Waking up early to check whether he is online. Waited for an hour, but he did not turn up there. I went out early for morning class at Manulife. It was a tough class for me because i did not perform good last time . However, i prayed, i asked God to give me the confidence. I must say i have done better than last time.
After class, went to Mid Valley meet mook, jean and fanny. I arrived early, walk around there alone until mook called me then we sit down at Seed Cafe chit chatting.
After the gossip session, i went to New York for my eye treatment. I took nap during the session and i guess this is the good time for me to rest and relax. Right after the session, i left the place. Honestly, not quite enjoy and satisfied with the service. They did not give me what they promised me when i signed the course. However, i did not complain nor say much about it because i have no mood doing that.
I left mid valley at the time of 4.15pm. It was still early to my class, i just drove slowly. Reach at Les there at 5pm only. Raining heavily, so i sit in the car read the magazine from mook. Guess what , is a bridal mag :)
After class, went home dinner. I think Ryan's friends miss him a lot tonight because he used to play badmintion on Wednesday nite. Two of his friends called, asked about whether he is safe.
The first thing when i reach home was turn on my computer, to check whether he is online. I think this will be the fisrt thing i do everyday once i get back home, unless my brother is using the computer.
I have been waiting for 3 hours. He is still outside. I don't have a chance to talk to him. Very sad :( and i cried before sleep.
Miss him....
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Without him - first Tueday
Ryan left today at 1.10pm from KLIA to Bangkok.
Everyday Tuesday, we are suppose to have breakfast at Taman Midah, the mamak next to RHB bank. Today the routine has changed. After my morning class at Sri Petaling, i went to his house, helping him to prepare his stuff. Together with the parents and brother, we have dim sum at connaught. After that, KLIA.
I hold on my tear, my breath, and my heart beat when he said goodbye. I know this was real tough for all of us, but i strongly believe this is a good thing for both of us.
After KLIA, i headed back to MSQ. The moment i open our master bed room door, the emotion stirked me. i couldn't stop my tear, I cried and stopped. I helped him to put back the shirt that he did not bring there back to the wardrobe. The moment i open the wardrobe door, i cried. We used to open the door together, my side and his side. So he will either let me open it first or don't let me open the wardrobe door. Most if the time, i win. Today, can do whatever i want. I squat dpwn and cried and cried.
I took nap after that until he text me saying that he has reached there safely.
During the class, just couldn't focus. Was thinking why he left me. Just a silly question :(
After class i used to text him, dinner with him, but not this tuesday, either next tuesday. I drove home, have dinner at home.
This is the first day he is not with me for 11 hours
Everyday Tuesday, we are suppose to have breakfast at Taman Midah, the mamak next to RHB bank. Today the routine has changed. After my morning class at Sri Petaling, i went to his house, helping him to prepare his stuff. Together with the parents and brother, we have dim sum at connaught. After that, KLIA.
I hold on my tear, my breath, and my heart beat when he said goodbye. I know this was real tough for all of us, but i strongly believe this is a good thing for both of us.
After KLIA, i headed back to MSQ. The moment i open our master bed room door, the emotion stirked me. i couldn't stop my tear, I cried and stopped. I helped him to put back the shirt that he did not bring there back to the wardrobe. The moment i open the wardrobe door, i cried. We used to open the door together, my side and his side. So he will either let me open it first or don't let me open the wardrobe door. Most if the time, i win. Today, can do whatever i want. I squat dpwn and cried and cried.
I took nap after that until he text me saying that he has reached there safely.
During the class, just couldn't focus. Was thinking why he left me. Just a silly question :(
After class i used to text him, dinner with him, but not this tuesday, either next tuesday. I drove home, have dinner at home.
This is the first day he is not with me for 11 hours
Monday, November 10, 2008
Counting the day
Since the day i know we are going to separate apart for some period of time, i keep telling myself to be strong. I though i can make it, in fact it is real hard.
What's so hard? Being so used to depends on him, and afraid to be alone. I must admit that i am that kind of people who are scared to be alone. I am worried too, about his life over there, about our relationship. However, we have to face these.
No matter how hard it is, let have faith. The sadness, the tear are all worth it if we can over come this.
What's so hard? Being so used to depends on him, and afraid to be alone. I must admit that i am that kind of people who are scared to be alone. I am worried too, about his life over there, about our relationship. However, we have to face these.
No matter how hard it is, let have faith. The sadness, the tear are all worth it if we can over come this.
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