39 weeks

I am now 4 days to my Expected Delivery Date (EDD) which is on the 11th May. This morning i had my check up done at the hospital with another Doctor. So far the bb is doing very well, amniotic fluid level is good and everything seem fine except the bb refuse to come out.


Effacement is measure to 30% only according to the Doctor. The doctor suggested to put another Prostaglandin before going for drip since my cervix is still thick. It is a hormone-like substance, which helps stimulate uterine contractions. By inserting the tablet into the vaginal, it helps to ripe the cervix.

Hope for the best

The day 30th April 2010

I thought this would be the good day for me and Nate, but i was wrong. Early in the morning, we were so exciting heading towards the hospital, to welcome our little prince to the beautiful world. The sky was bright and the rainbow was shinning above our head, what a good sign to us.

9.45am, started putting the first tablets outside the cervix ( it was still very thick at that time) to soften the cervix, to let it dilate. The sensation came within few minutes. I started to feel numb from my pelvic down to the legs. Then the contraction started gradually. It was getting stronger and after lunch,i walked around at 12 noon as Dr told to do so. It was pretty good to walked around rather than lying on my back. The pain started to come and i had my CTG test ( for bb heart beat and contraction) in the late evening. The result shown the bb was doing very well with the contraction, however the contraction was too mild and my cervix was still very thick blocking the bb. Dr asked me to walked more, and even asked me to go out for shopping :) Mid night, 12.30am, Dr visited me again, mild contraction, no dilate. So , i have to wait for another day, to put in another tablets to induce it again:( It was quite disappointed at that time because i have to suffer the same process like the whole day.

I did not sleep well the whole, it could be worried and pressure i guess. Dr came at 10.30am, put in another tablet. This time he can put inside the cervix because it was much softer now compared with the day before. The pain came very fast this time and it was much more stronger. I had my CTG test at 2pm, it took about an hour and i was really suffered lying there with the strong pain. Again, bb was doing well too this time, the contraction was higher than before. According to the Dr, this level of the contraction was between 2.5 to 3 with 4 is the highest. However, i still cant deliver yet as the cervix was strongly holding back. Dr asked me to walk more, this time, i did not enjoy walking anymore as the contraction was really pain I forced myself to walk, i wanted it to dilate faster.

8pm, Dr came to check the cervix again. We all were very disappointed as no changes happened. My tear came out and i tried to control it as much as i could. I was totally freak out and hopeless. I didn"t know what to do as Dr said tomorrow tried again, putting the drip. What if, not successful again? We suggested to the Dr, we want to give up the process as physically and emotionally, we were both exhausted.

The 3rd days, early morning CTG tested, no contraction. Dr allowed us to discharge. We were both a bit down because the bb wasnt out yet and we need to monitor his movement very closely to make sure he is doing fine inside.

I thanks God for the strength given to us, I thanks for the family members' s support, I thanks for my hubby, for his care, love and company. I love you so much Low Gong.

Let's hope for the best , in someday, when he is ready

失望

究竟是怎麼一回事，讓我那麼的脆落
想哭就哭了出來，眼淚也不停的流
因為寂寞，所以害怕，因為等待，所以有期待
我不是要求高，只是因為你說你會早回來
我等待
你不明白，我的期待
你不明白，我需要愛和關懷

人變得越來越沒有安全感
等他出來以後，我就會有寄託
那你呢？你會在哪？
人是會向東向西的，這是因為沒有安全感
是你的錯，還是我的過分要求

如果人生要這樣的走下去
我想， 你應該有別的選擇
我已被淘汰

37 weeks

Today is 20th April 2010, exactly to 37 weeks of pregnancy. As it is consider full term now, i can due anytime from now. Therefore the counting days has begun.

I am still worried about the position of the baby. He seems to be very active in the womb, moving from up side down along the day. I don't know whether i will end up setting a day for C sec or experiencing contraction then admit to the hospital. How will it be? Cant wait to know.

Transverse lie @ 32 weeks

An article was saying this " when a baby appears to be in the transverse position, that this symbolizes the baby’s comfort and desire to be close to their mother’s heart. While this is a sweet notion, when it comes to birth, the transverse position is problematic for a desired vaginal birth"

I was told by my OG Dr" he likes to stay in this position very much" where by it is exactly what the article said about. However, the Dr did not advise me to do anything to encourage the little one to turn. His advice is, wait and see for 4 more weeks. Being a very physical base working mother, i am so determine to go for natural birth. Therefore, i do a lot of searching in the internet, to look for the best thing i could do or help the baby to turn.

I learned some techques from websites, such as Inversion, breech tilt, open knee chest. I don't know whether it is safe for me to perform all these but i think i will try since i do not have any chronic conditions like asthma, or breathing problem.

At the same time, I found this statement "less than 20% of the babies who are transverse at 37 weeks will remain transverse when labor begins, so another option is to wait for labor to start and attempt to turn the baby or perform a cesarean if it is still necessary". I know i cant wait.All the best to me!

A song that encourange to breast feeding

My bonnie is over the ocean melody

Breast feeding is good for the baby,
Breast feeding is good for the mum,
Breast feeding is good for the whole world,
So we must breast feed our babies.

I don't know how to sing this song as the lyrics is passed by a experienced mummy to me. She asked me to sing the song whenever i am tired to breastfeed the baby.

忧郁症

忧郁症， 这三个字，还蛮恐怖的。它是一种低潮情绪的心理疾病，而我相信每个人都有些许患有这种病。他潜伏在某的角落，我们可能不留意。

最近有一个学姐因为患上了产后忧郁症而跳楼自杀。他的离去，令我很震撼和难过。我只能说，好可惜。希望他的离去，能帮他解脱，也通过借镜让我们时时刻刻关心身边的人。

离开预产期还有两个多月的时间，我开始有所期待和担心。 原来，产前也会有忧郁症。 我不能预计，宝宝出生后，我会怎样。 他会是个乖宝宝，还是一个吵吵闹闹的宝宝呢？我都能应付得来吗？我会是个好妈妈吗？我会变黄面婆， 只会呆在家等老公回家的女人吗？我不想！！！！原来，女人真的需要有自己的工作才能得到一个平衡 ，或至少有自己的生活圈子。我发现我的圈子越来越小，我不能想象到了3 月4 月，当我的工作量越来越少时，我能怎样的过日子。 难道就是每天看着时钟， 5 点半， 摇的电话给老公， 问他“你回了吗？”就这样吗？

我想我需要一点点的平衡。 我还在找着，希望上帝保佑。

New Year 2010

I was on the way to Ipoh when the clock reached 12am 1.1.2010.

Happy New Year to all that i know. Everyone feel excited when another year approach, and i guess this is the time all the people feel upbeat, think very positive, very bright. Is it because when we started a new page, it looks so fresh and clean and we tend to forget the obstacles that we need to face. No doubt, life is full of challenge and in fact we overcome shit everyday :( But i hope that does not disrupt the up beat mood that we had at the beginning of the year..cheers

I do not really recall what i had set for my last year resolutions or may be i think that is not matter anymore. This year will be a new chapter for me; a new life in 30's, a wife of someone, a mother of someone, a daughter in law of some people and of course aunties for some people too. So many role i am playing in my new life and i just want to keep my resolutions as simple as possible. Not that i am lazy to set any target, but i think life is just more than money and status.

In this year, i want to stay as happy as i could, with my healthy little Nathanial, with the loving daddy playing around with the boy.

In this year, i want to pay off all debt, no more burden paying credit card, no more heavy expenses by using credit card as well.

In this year, i want lose weight back to 50kg, able to wear the clothing i have before i got pregnant.

In this year, i want to do more charity, pay visit to the orphan house, old folk house.

In this year, i want to give all my support to my husband, to let him gain back the confidence that he used to have, to let him know how much i love him.

In this year, i want to pray more. For the family members, friends, to wish them stay healthy always.

May all these can be achieve by the blessing from God.